Your Relationship Resume: Are You Qualified?

Saint Louis, Missouri – Kenny Esco

When you hear the word resume, you think of a listing of all the jobs you have held. Your attention turns to the accolades and awards bestowed on you.  All of this you list on a sheet of eggshell-colored, linen paper to land your dream job or at least, pay the rent. That piece of paper, eloquently worded and presented, tells prospective employers who you are and what you have done.  And most importantly, why you should be hired to work for them.
That’s business. This other resume is personal.  It reveals a more intimate side of you. Let’s call it your “relationship resume.” Everybody has one.  The countless hours spent searching for the perfect soul mate has left a relationship footprint that will follow you forever and affect the affairs of your heart for years.

Remember Your First Kiss?

It started with your first French kiss.  Who could have known your very first boyfriend or girlfriend would play a role in your life for years? Think about that website security question.  You know, the one you are supposed to answer in case you forget your password.  Of course, they give you a few choices: “what street did you grow up on?” “Name your favorite actor?” But, if you are like many of us, you may have lived in a few great neighborhoods.  And depending on how you feel that day, your favorite actor could be Morgan Freeman in “Shawshank Redemption,” or Angela Bassett in “Waiting to Exhale.” But, the one thing that never changes and is guaranteed to get you logged back in is that other security question: “who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend?”  Depending on your memory of that debut relationship, you might have decided to use the address from the tree-lined street because the kiss…even today…leaves a sadness in the pit of your stomach.

Planning Your Relationship Resume

Unfortunately, a relationship resume is usually not planned as carefully as an employment resume. Are you willing to recite your chronological love history, listing highlights and emotionally reliving the lowlights? Those are sleeping dogs many hope never awaken.  But, what does it say about you? Who laid first claim on your heart? Are you married? Are you divorced? Have you ever been engaged? Do you stray? Have kids? If so, how many? Your longest relationship? Shortest? Serial dater? Do you search the web for romance? Ever slashed tires? Stalked? Fought?  Did a healthy, loving relationship help you blossom? Are you passionate, emotional, or simply indifferent about matters of the heart? Do you date outside your ethnicity? Traditional relationship values, or it depends on the  times?
The answers to all of these questions can be found on your relationship resume. The chronological events on your relationship resume represent the lessons endured through years of courtship: the good, the bad and the ugly. All of those experiences make you who you are as you seek your life partner.

This Could Be Your Dream Relationship

So, the next time you are on that first date and the person sitting across from you starts to tell a story or two about an ex, do not be insulted. Embrace the opportunity. Listen and make a few mental notes. Just as an employee would talk with an employer to land that dream job, this is the interview for the dream relationship.  Be aware of the stories behind those events because this is a real indicator of what you can expect in the days and years ahead.  Remember past experiences make you who you are today. Just hope no one ever asks you for references.