The Language of Gift Giving

Saint Louis, Missouri – Kenny Esco

Throughout the year we subconsciously and consistently search for signs that our relationship is progressing.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for ten years or dating for a few months, such confirmation is imperative for a healthy existence. The never ending need to feel desired and appreciated is a critical factor that must be fulfilled sporadically during the courtship as we build towards that unconditional love.

A simple gesture by our significant other, such as a kind word or a gift large or small, will temporarily soothe our insecurities and reinforce our belief in one another. But, if neither of these happens, the one thing we can surely count on to rejuvenate us and get us through yet another grueling twelve months is Christmas.  When all else fails, the holiday spirit is guaranteed to rekindle our romance and our feelings for one another.  And the thrill of what’s under the tree keeps us excited and expectant for weeks to come.

This is the season of giving, yet for many the best way to celebrate and express true love is to receive an expensive gift that says,  “I am worth it.”  The pain and disappointment of the past year is swept away like dust under a rug.  All is forgiven and your new year starts on Christmas.

Twelve Days of Questions

So, does the gift you receive and the one you give serve as a relationship compass, pointing you to the next phase?  A gift should be a present from the heart that speaks to your special one softly saying, I listen to, I care about, and I love you.  If it is truly the thought that counts, both the giver and receiver should be receptive to this sentiment. But quite often, the gift is cupped in both hands and studied like a sage might read tea leaves. If you are expecting an engagement ring as a sign you are going to the chapel and receive a set of pots and pans, is this an indication your relationship is headed for disaster or your cooking can use some assistance?

What happens the moment you unwrap that gift and discover it is exactly what you wanted, does it make you feel secure and connected to your mate?  How about the moment you realize it is not? Do you feel unappreciated, used, frustrated?  Are you touched by the effort and displeased with the item?  Or are you disheartened by both the gift and the effort?

My advice is to remember the meaning of the season, and while the chestnuts are roasting, allow the thought behind the gift to stoke your relationship fire. It is not always better to give than receive and giving does not have to involve money, presence is often a great present.  During this beautiful season of fellowship, regardless of the what you find in your stocking, let your gift be one of peace.