Dear White People: I’m White In A Black Family, Here’s What You Need To Know About Black Lives Matter

I’m a white guy – about as white as it gets actually – and it’s hard to put into words how dramatically my life changed just more than a decade ago when I married a black woman.

Being part of a black family has often times immersed me into “the black world” where I am the minority and I am able to openly take part in – and more importantly listen to – candid discussions about race and racism in America. I get to hear and feel what my relatives have been through as they share disheartening accounts of being followed around Macy’s by “helpful” sales clerks, pulled over for “driving while black” and being interrogated for no reason at all. I’ve heard about how my father and mother-in-law’s suburban Bay area home was shot at, just because they chose to live in a predominately white community.

I am privileged to learn these things from people I know and love who were raised right, came from loving homes and as far away from the stereotypical “thug life” as imaginable. As a result, my outlook on race issues have changed over time; I was much more naive about the realities of race when I started dating my wife in 1998.

It’s maddening, reading posts from a black friend sharing how she fears for the father of her child, as he is “one gigantic dude” who could scare a cop into shooting him simply because of his size and the color of his skin.

Many of my white friends and family, including a number of those in my extended Facebook community, seem clueless about what it is like to be black in America. I don’t pretend to know what it’s really like: I just have a lot more understanding than I did just a few years ago. I suggest that you seek out the same.

Yes, America’s racial problems may not be as bad as they were 30 or more years ago, but there is a lot of room for improvement. To my white brothers and sisters, please think again before you judge (or worse, berate) those who are peacefully pushing for change, perhaps by protesting in a way like, say, 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick chose to do.

Stop and think about the fact that he has managed to raise awareness of an issue close to his heart without riots: he has not taxed the resources of the police, he has not shut down a freeway, he did not chain himself to a BART train or provoke chaos of any type. Colin has protested peacefully and has gotten his message out there while most of us are busy talking without taking any substantive action.

Many of my right wing-gun-toting-take-my-guns-away-over-my-dead-body (I am pro gun, but pro reasonable gun control, by the way) are some of the loudest folks bitching about Colin kneeling during the national anthem. I find that funny as hell because he is merely exercising his American RIGHT and has clearly explained why he’s choosing to do so. And you want him dead, banned from football or worse?

I am blessed to have a different view of things thanks to my many friends and family members of color who have allowed me into their lives, giving me a small glimpse into their world. Some of my fellow white friends have enlightened me with thought-provoking ideas too.

I recommend that you follow Frank Somerville, a news anchor on KTVU in Oakland, Ca. He and his wife adopted a young black daughter many years ago and the experience seems to have really opened their eyes. He openly discusses racial issues on Facebook and in his real life too; he has also been able to endear himself to the black culture in a way few white men manage to do.

I am sorry this is such a long rant, but I hope that some of you reading this will, like Frank, open your eyes, your minds and your hearts before making a decision on matters of race; be open and think about it from another viewpoint. I also urge you to get to know your black friends, in-laws, co-workers better and listen to what they say and how they feel, instead of automatically diminishing their experiences as inauthentic.

Yes, prejudice and bigotry exists among all races, but we all can do small things to make race relations in this country better. I am far from perfect, but am trying to get better each day. I hope you will too.

James Marriott is a Pittsburg, CA-based IT Professional (yes, geek) and amateur photographer who loves traveling the U.S. in search of great bbq and beautiful landscapes.  He is married to Yvonne, a Zumba and U-Jam fitness addict who couldn’t care less about brisket and ribs, but is always up for an outdoor adventure. They’re both owned by their cat Randy.