Check Your Date Before It’s Too Late

In her mid-60s, Shelly-Ann had beaten the odds and found love. But, she could likely die because of it.

He was charming, good looking and around 15 years her junior. They dated for about five months. Still, her family was suspicious, but they couldn’t have guessed the disturbing truth.

Everything was a lie. He wasn’t from North Carolina, he was from New York. He didn’t own a moving company, he was on the run. And by the time her daughter met with representatives of the Date-Check by Headhunters program, it was too late. Shelly-Ann had HIV.

Date-Check, an initiative by Headhunters Investigative Services, Inc., exists to protect women like Shelly-Ann (not her real name). The program helps women and men weed out any deception by checking into the history and patterns of the people they are dating.

About 10 investigators in various states work together to dig into the criminal background, marital status and dating history of these men and women. They find out if they have ever been married, if they have a history of domestic violence and if they are a part of any underground sex clubs. They check whether the person dates a specific type of woman or man, if they have a history of drug abuse and whether they practice bill masking by placing their bills under another’s name.

Representatives of the program were doing a test market study when they came across Shelly-Ann’s daughter at a restaurant in Atlanta. He had a lied about his name, but after a quick search they were able to uncover the truth.

“He was all over social media,” said Rasheed Moss, who came up with the idea for the program and helps as a volunteer. “He was spreading HIV and unfortunately her mother was a victim.”

Now, the investigators are hoping to save other women and men from a similar fate. So far, 37 women and one man have used the program, which is entering its second year, Moss said.

Of those 38 cases, about 20 of the clients found out their lovers were deceiving them, Moss said. R. was one of those cases.

The Lies He Told

She had met him on Match.com. They had been dating for six months and she believed he was the one. They were planning to get married. But, she grew suspicious when he kept evading her questions.

She decided to try Date-Check after learning about it from a flyer. The program offers three packages: the bronze for $99, the silver for $399 and the gold for $599. R. (who did not want to use her name) chose the gold. And what she learned left her stunned.

He had lied about everything, including his name.

R said, “He told me his last name was Williams, they found out his real last name. He told me he had no children, they found out he had two. He told me he was never married, they found out he was. He told me he had no girlfriend, they found out he was dating someone named Yolanda. He told me he lived in Atlanta, they found out he lived in Lake Lanier.”

With every revelation, R. learned she had fallen in love with a man who did not exist.

She continued, “He told me he worked for the government, they found out he was unemployed. He told me he wanted to marry me, they found he had proposed to two other women over the course of a year. He told me he was in school, they found out he was not enrolled. He told me I was the first woman he had been intimate with in three years, they gave me the name and numbers of two other women, one of whom he had just had a baby by in August 2017.”

Even the things he claimed to own belonged to someone else, she said.

“He said his car belonged to him, they found out the car belonged to a dealership and his brother owned it and just let him ride in it,” R. said. “He told me he owned his house, they found out he lived in an apartment and that the apartment was in his ex-girlfriend’s name. I stopped them right there and told them that’s enough, close the case, or they would have kept going.”

When she confronted her fiancé, he told her she could have just asked him instead of hiring an investigator. She gave him back his ring and stormed out of his life.

Though she had to spend money to learn the truth, R. said she doesn’t regret it. “The dating program can help a lot of women,” R. stated.

Moss came up with the idea of Date-Check to help his mom. And, she took the idea and added it to Headhunters where she is the CEO.

“My mom is a senior and she wanted to help people who are in their 60s and 70s who are still dating,” Moss said. “When they are older and try to date, it’s hard for them because they don’t know what they are getting into.”

A lot of seniors are more established. They have their own car, their own home and because of that a lot of them are targets, he said.

“People who want to date them would have the incentive to deceive them,” Moss said. “They are people who are vulnerable; people who still want to find love in their 70s.”

People who are just like his mom.

A Client and the CEO

Dr. Valerie Smith admitted she was smitten. She had met a man inside a grocery store and they spoke for more than an hour. She was thrilled to discover they had some things in common.

And just as she has always done, she told her son about him. He was a top executive for the grocery chain, she told Moss. But Moss sensed a lie. He dug into the man’s background and learned he was a manager of one of the department’s inside the store. The news was a blow, but Smith took it in stride.

“Older women are more vulnerable,” Smith, 70, admitted. “Some men think we are desperate and therefore we become prey.”

Smith said she got divorced in 1983 but didn’t start seriously dating until the 1990s.

“I have had very nice experiences with guys I have dated,” Smith said. But they were better friends than potential spouses, she said.

Still, she has not given up on finding someone, she said.  “I believe when it needs to happen, it will happen. It will be nice to have a companion I can share things with.”

Still, she quickly points out “the older you get, the more difficult it is. Everyone comes with baggage. Sometimes men feel threatened because of educational differences or experiential differences.”

And so, they lie.

“They put on a certain face and after a while that face fades,” Smith said. But with Date-Check, those lies can be uncovered before it’s too late. Smith believes in the program and believes it can protect women and men who, like her, are looking for that special someone.

Though the program was geared towards seniors, most of the people who have used it so far are younger. And the investigators decided they wanted to include all age-groups.

So far, only three seniors have used the program, Moss said. M. was one of them.

“I loved the program, but I hated what I found out,” said M. (who also did not want to use her name). “I am 69 years old and divorced. I wanted to try dating again, but it’s hard out here and what they found out blew my mind.”

M. wanted to date someone different. She met an Italian man around her age on Match.com. They dated for about a month, but years of experience told her something was wrong. M. decided to have him checked out by the Date-Check investigators. She chose the silver package.

Moss said it took them about a month because there was so much information.

“He was still married, he had about 10 children and he was on every dating site that we pulled up,” Moss said. “He was on about eight pages under different phone numbers from different carriers.”

But he had a specific interest, Moss said. He only targeted African American women.

“He wanted the black experience,” Moss said. And that’s not unusual he said, adding that some people are only interested in someone because of their race. And that’s one of the things Date-Check uncovers by looking into the person’s dating pattern.

“You need to make sure the person you’re dating is not just fascinated with you because you are black, white or Asian,” he said. “Make sure the person likes you and not your ethnicity.”

Moss said the Date-Check model is simple: just don’t lie. “There is no shame in being who you are,” he said. “Be yourself.”