‘Begin By Listening’ Says Mental Health Expert As Millions Raise Concerns Following Death Of DJ tWitch

The death of DJ Stephen “tWitch” Boss by suicide stunned fans. He was a 40-year-old husband and father known for his work on the Ellen DeGeneres Show, and his death prompted many on social media to remind people to check on loved ones.

TheVillageCelebration reached out to psychiatrist Dr. Rhonda Mattox for expert advice on ways to help family and friends who are struggling with an emotional crisis.

TVC: How do family and friends know when a loved one is losing the will to live?

Dr. Mattox: Many times they tell us. They say things like, ‘Everyone would be better off without me.’ ‘I wish I were never born.’ Or, they reference they feel like they are a burden on others. Additionally, they may change their patterns. They may stop taking care of themselves-their hygiene or activities of daily living. Their appearance changes drastically. Perhaps, they begin missing work or school or withdrawing from others.

TVC: For those who are experiencing despair, what do you recommend? And what happens when the emotional exhaustion is too great to reach out for help? 

Dr. Mattox: When you love someone who has experienced the complete loss of hope, cheering them up is not the priority. Nor is keeping the secret that they are thinking of self harm. This is a great time to consider offering to put their hands in the hands of someone compassionate and competent. Call 988 or perhaps offer to schedule the appointment with them or even to go to the doctor with them. This can be especially important when they are cognitively impaired; can’t concentrate or their executive functioning is impaired.

TVC: Please “walk us through” a compassionate check-in. What might we say or suggest?

Dr. Mattox: Whatever you do, don’t lead with ‘We need to talk.’ That’s a sure fire way to shut a conversation down as anyone in an intimate relationship can attest. Do begin by listening without labeling them selfish and trying not to be judgmental. You might lead with ‘I have noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately. I don’t want to be intrusive. But I often appreciate it when I can talk to people who don’t judge me. I just want you to know that I’m a safe space if you would like some company and someone to listen.’ Then be a safe place and don’t interrupt them to explain why they have everything and should just be more thankful.

Studies/statistics indicate this suicide is a health matter Black Americans cannot assign to others solely. Tell us how the conversation has changed or needs to change. 

Dr. Mattox: The pandemic made it ‘ok to to not be ok.’ A wide range of people began to talk openly about emotional wellness and mental health — everyone from our First Lady Michelle Obama (talking about having light depression) to Meghan Markle talking about considering suicide while she was pregnant. Since George Floyd and the COVID pandemic, trauma, grief, depression, and anxiety have been at the forefront of the national dialogue. In fact, two of the unintended perks of the pandemic have been the widespread acceptance of the need to address our grief, trauma, mood as well as the introduction of telemedicine. Telemedicine has granted many in rural areas access to quality mental health treatment. Likewise, it has allowed us to eliminate some barriers to treatment and mitigate our fear of being found out. Telemedicine allows us to bypass the waiting room jitters or the concern about who might see their car in the parking lot. I remember once Patrick Kennedy and I were speaking at an event at the Clinton Library. This United States House of Representatives shared how he would park his car blocks away from his psychiatrist’s office and walk so no one would see his car. He wasn’t the only one with those concerns. He was the person brave enough to say what many of my patients have thought over the years.

For more information about suicide prevention, visit 988lifeline.org or call 988.