The Darkness Within

Days after the not guilty verdict rendered in the George Zimmerman murder trial, and once again we are all talking about race relations in America. During the trial phase I had the opportunity to listen or view significant parts of the testimony from key witnesses on both sides.  Admittedly, it was difficult at times to listen to Rachel Jeantel’s testimony because I could not hear her words at times.  And I listened intently to the 911 recordings of George Zimmerman as he pursued Trayvon Martin and how the dispatcher instructed him to break off his pursuit.

In the end it was hard for me to determine if there was a clear victory on either side.  However, my gut, having lived in Florida for a while during graduate school at Florida State University, told me there was a good possibility George Zimmerman could beat this case with the right jury.  And, he did.

I’m a public relations consultant by profession – meaning I advise clients on ways and options to communicate in various situations. Now  here I am still struggling to make sense of this verdict in terms of how to feel, what to think, what to say in public and what to say in private conversations as my friends, family and colleagues continue to engage me on the topic.

What I believe is the Zimmerman jury got the decision wrong.  What I know is the jury applied the standards against the Stand Your Ground laws in Florida and from that limited lens and instructions from the court rendered the not guilty decision. What I feel is an awakening of emotions most African Americans would dare not talk about in open, let alone, in a personal opinion piece as I am.

Politics and race were always front and center in the Trayvon Martin-George Zimmerman case. The political side presented itself when former Sanford Chief of Police Bill Lee was ousted from his job – for not initially finding cause to charge George Zimmerman. Nearly forty days lapsed and not until outside political pressure from civil rights activists did Florida State Attorney Angela Corey step in and remove the case from Sanford and issue an indictment.

A white man kills an unarmed black child – regardless of the situation the race issue was off and running all played out on national media.

What saddens me the most from this most recent racially charged event is the widening fear of black males.

If you are a Black male such as me, 6, 16 or 66 you still run the risk of catching hell at any given time or place in America. For the most part we all are taught this.  Our mothers, families and communities offer a constant reminder that being black and male is one of the most difficult and potentially dangerous situations to be in.  After all if it’s a negative category most likely we will lead the way. Most likely will live in poverty, be poorly educated, unemployed, imprisoned, in poor health and die early.  Damn, not a great prospect, right?

This fear of African American males goes beyond the “black-White” issues. This virus of hate and suspicion has infected our own community as we look around and fear each other.

Yesterday I pulled up to a gas station not far from my home in Detroit. When I got out of the car to pump my gas the first thing I did was survey the area near the pumps and the station.  I noticed three other black men also pumping gas looking at me look at them.  We all had one hand on the gas pump and the other hand in our pocket. My first question to myself “who standing out here is a possible threat and who has a gun?” The answer depends on your point of view.

All four men standing pumping gas varied in age, dress and demeanor. Nothing happened except the roaming eye movement from the four men like a Cylon robot poised to pull his weapon at a moments. Seemingly we all finished about the same time, and there was an ease that soon we all would return to the safety of our vehicles and head off on our respective journey. I pulled the nozzle out and holstered the pump back into its cradle.  Looking at all three men I nodded with a tilt of my neck – the urban gentlemen’s way for saying stay cool. With my left hand I reached into my pocket and pressed the car door unlock button…churp, churp.

In the coming weeks the Zimmerman verdict will linger, until a new story catches the country’s attention. George Zimmerman is not the first or last white person to shoot an unarmed black person, justified or unjustified. The lasting effect of this most recent incident is how fear and bias creates profiling and can take us into the darkness of our mind where rational thinking, good judgment is put aside and invokes an evil will to lash out or punish anyone who we’ve decided is a threat.